Do you ever feel like you are never enough? I’ve been feeling this way lately with my housework, especially in the area of keeping things tidy. It was really hard for me to keep things picked up before I had kids. Now, it seems impossible. And when the bags full of stuff, boxes full of things, and scattered clothes and toys start piling up, I am easily overwhelmed. It is much easier to escape to the pool (see Sunshine below), relax with a book, play with my kids, or write another blog article than it is to take out the trash, put in another load of laundry, or do the dishes.
I know that there are support groups and Flylady and all of that. But that is not what this is about. This is about not being enough.
I’m trying to find my next place. I’d love to work from my home to be closer to my kids. But I want all the trappings of working a job. (ie. a steady income, health insurance, vacation and sick pay.) Plus, I like hanging with adults sometimes, too. I’ve been teaching for 11 years, and all around town, whenever I see someone they ask, “So are you going to teach next year?” It’s been my identity for so long that people see me as a teacher, and not really as Shauna. I used to love that. I clung to my identity. But I’m ready for something new.
I know healthcare is a pretty stable source of employment. And I heard about a job I am qualified for in a medical office. It took me back to my college years, and my first office job. I was an evening medical receptionist at a pediatrics office. It was a great job that worked around my college classes. Later I found an even higher paying job that simply consisted of filing medical charts in a doctor’s office. Everytime I think back on those jobs I remember the endless stacks of charts. Cubicles full of charts. Long rows of medical records in alphabetical order. Stacks and stacks that kept building. It was exhausting knowing that no matter how many you filed, there would still be more to put away.
It’s like that with laundry. Please tell me I’m not alone in this. I used to be so thrilled that my husband did his own laundry and I did mine. I usually washed the sheets and often the towels, too. But that wasn’t such a big deal. Now I wash clothes for myself and two messy kids, along with bedding for three beds and towels for the entire family. I’d almost rather wash my husband’s clothes too, because whenever he wants to use the washer, it is full of wet clothes and he wonders why. It’s because I should have laundry going whenever I’m at home. I start it, then get distracted with the other never-ending tasks of being a mother, and then I forget to move it over to the dryer. When I do move it over, I always put another load in, because there is always another load to do. I am never done with laundry.
There is hope, though. Or at least help. When I start getting overwhelmed with these little things, I have a few resources I can turn to. I’ve got loads of friends on Facebook who are sympathetic and helpful…sometimes too helpful, but that’s OK. In addition to my regular friends list, I am also part of a few moms groups on Facebook. I generally post on those groups when I think my question or complaint would gross others out. (Think potty-training or breast-feeding.) Also, I have a mentor that I can call on when I’m feeling down or need a little parenting advice. We both like to crochet and drink coffee, so there’s always an excuse to hang out. She’s the one that introduced me to Anne Voskamp.
I follow Ann Voskamp on Facebook so that I can have a daily reminder of how God loves me. She writes things like this:
Lord, at the end of the week, we give You our regrets. Hard things we did, that we confess, we wish we had never done. And good things, that we confess, we wish *we had done.* Thank You for covering us tonight in Your wide enough blanket of grace. Your Grace is enough to cover not only the hard things that we wish we had never done, but also the good things that we wish we had got done, the things that can weigh heaviest of all. Thank You, that in You, Grace is weightless — that we can rest tonight in You who carry & cover it All. Who ever loved us like this? In Jesus’ name, Amen.
When I haven’t stopped to spend time with God in the day yet, Ann’s posts remind me to stop, even for just a few minutes, so that I can remember to be still.